Friday, August 25, 2006

slow night on hot or not

well, not the best hotornot guy, looks a little startled, but he's got a tat. listening to Whitley on Coast right now (thursday night replay). he will also be on with Art over the weekend. i read about 100 pages of The Grays last night. while Communion terrified me, this book entertains me.
last night, i had another nightmare about having my car stolen. this is becoming a pattern. this time, i had many people helping me look for my car and when i found it, it was burned to a crisp. i remember crying in my sleep. seems weird and insignificant to cry over a stolen car in the scheme of things, but i think these dreams are expressing the stress of 1) dealing with the brats in the neighborhood who have no boundaries or respect for property and 2) all the crap that has been happening to our cars at work. i don't know what we will be walking out to when we leave the library at night. will it escalate and will we be in any physical danger?
i thought i might have a dream about aliens and my experiences after reading the book, but nothing like that has happened. i did not even have to leave the light on. for several years, i have been thinking that they are done with me and they have 'gotten' whatever they wanted from me and have moved on. i would really like that to be true, but, as anyone who has had an alien experience can tell you, there is also a feeling of loss and abandonment. in some ways, i miss them. give me the choice of interacting with them again and never being bothered by them again, i would take the latter. as i have tried to tell my husband, who probably doesn't believe me...thinking i am a weird dreamer or it was abuse...they are not anything you would ever want to be involved with. they are not warm and fuzzy spacemen who want to enlighten us. they are hard to comunicate with, mysterious, nothing even close to human, and frightening as all Hell. Maniac Mike insists he would not be scared and would very much like to see one which, for his sanity, i hope never happens. infact, if they do bother him, i will try to kill them. when i was very small and thought my mother was being hurt by them, i got my hands around the neck of a tiny, sand colored 'gray' and snapped his neck. then, when i was in my early 20's, i thought they were bothering my son and i swore that, if they ever touched him, i would kill them ALL. that is the first time i ever felt (and it was comunicated to me) that they were afraid of me/us/humans. i was so angry. it was the first time i was more angry with them than scared by them. someday, i will share some stories, but tonight, i am listening to Whitley's.

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