Sunday, August 20, 2006

Gel Bras

i was listening to Art Bell and he mentioned that a caller had asked him a question: since all gel products were being banned from planes, were gel bras included? he didn't know. well, someone called an airlines and asked and reported that the airline said, "huh?!" then they said that gel bras were not being banned. then, someone, a spokesperson from somewhere called Coast and said that, indeed, after some thought, gel bras were banned.
the scene: airport security check point
a young, voluptuous woman passes through the security gate successfully. still, she is pulled aside by a let's-make-him-male security screener.
Security: excuse me ma'am but i noticed that your breasts were particularly full and bouncy.
Woman: !!!????!!!!
S: i have to ask, are you wearing a gel bra?
W: no
S: i'm sorry ma'am but the new security procedures require that i check that your bra complies with Homeland Security Rules and Regulation 999.55-693 which states, "particularly jiggly breast matter must be hand inspected to insure that not a single gel bra manage to get on any aircraft." this will only take a moment. :professionally feels up woman's breasts:
S: haha. well. sorry. regulations! seems like you're not wearing a bra at all. it is now safe for you to board. have a nice flight on Fuck 'Yall Airlines!
okay, being an American (shhh! don't tell anyone!) i probably shouldn't be writing this knowing that terrorists, at some point, are bound to read this blog. that is, when they are not writing their own. but here is a good idea for a really determined terrorist. let's call him Ali.
Ali goes to Thailand where he can get a sex change operation for much less than it would cost him in America. he has very large breast implants and that operation where they split the penis and turn it inside out to make a vagina. Ali takes lots and lots of estrogen, shaves the beard (duh!) and finds the perfect blonde wig. then he meets up with his fellow terrorists, who, at first, not realizing it's their cohort Ali, hit on him. when they realize their mistake, they praise Ali for the great lengths he has gone to to please Allah. now the terrorists pump up Ali's fake breasts with nitro, stick a trigger in his fake vagina and send him off to blow something up. maybe a plane, maybe just Ali. of course, if Ali does succeed, whatever will he do with 70 virgins?

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