stress

i'm taking a couple of days off to deal with stress.

two patrons

middle-aged male patron at check out. i scan his card and tell him that he has a "small fine" of 25 cents on his card for an unrewound video. patron says, "oh, i think i rewound that half way...haha...maybe i could just pay you 15 cents...haha." not funny.

middle-aged sounding woman calls to renew books. she's very pleasant but vacant.

map: "could i renew my books. i have 3 that are due today"

me: "sure." i get her card number and look up her account. "you have 4 books that are due today. i'll try to renew them."

map: "four? what are they?"

i read her the titles, three times and, finally, she agrees she has four items due today. i try to renew them, but 2 have already been renewed. one renewal only.

me: "i can renew books A and C, but B and D have already been renewed. i can't renew them again."

map: "they can't be renewed? so, A and B can be renewed?"

me: "no, A and C can be renewed. they are now due january 19th"

map: "so, A and B are due on the 19th. can you renew C and D?"

me: "no, i can renew A and C, but not C and D. C and D are due today."

map: "oh, i can't make it in today, my car needs some work done. can you renew my books?"

me...lather, rinse, repeat ad infinitum.

thank you's

to all the patrons that gave us holiday goodies: Thank You All!

thanks for the: popcorn, fudge, zuccini bread, banana bread, cranberry nut loaf, fruit basket, Whitman's chocolates, Russell Stover's chocolates, homemade chocolate lollipops, homemade party nuts, pizza, hard candies, Jelly Belly beans, Lindt Chocolates, chinese cookies, tins of Danish butter cookies, dozens of different homemade cookies, bagels, muffins, Toblerone, nougats, chocolate covered cherries, pastry, brownies made with beer, apple cake and anyhting else that i may have missed.

thank you also for the kind christmas and holiday cards! they are really appreciated!

a patronly good night

the good news is, we had no nutty or nasty patrons tonight. of course, we were very slow. last night, at 8pm on-the- dot one of our special needs patrons called to ask for a Disney Beauty and the Beast book. we close at 8pm, so my cocircworker nicely asked her to call in the morning as we were closed. he repeated it and repeated it for 5 full minutes until she hung up. she is a very sweet young lady but she's like a dog with a bone when she wants something. she has gone through phases...the last phase was requests for Wiggles books not videos. she always comes with her careworker and another special needs girl. this other girl makes me feel odd because she mews like a cat when she talks. kind of like Henrietta Pussycat in Make Believe. she is also very nice, but how should i respond to a person who meows at me?

anyway, they came in tonight and we found her a book (although she would have liked a bigger one...size-wise not page-wise). she had asked her careworker, a male, to scratch her shoulder and he nicely said that she knew that he couldn't do that. i thought that was pretty good what with all the sexual abuse/harassment troubles in this day and age. she left happy and her friend mewed sweetly and they were gone.

not a bad night.

fired upon

last night, while i was working in the library, some asshole used my car windshield for target practice. i went to the police to file a report today. i waited overnight because: a) i was so upset, i would've got myself arrested and b) i wanted to check for more damage. the police officers were very nice, recorded the damage on digital and took my report. i made sure to tell them that the lights in the library lot were NOT ON and it was pitch dark. i parked away from the building, which i never do, because the closer spots were taken. the shot came from the road...a BB Gun shot. i called my director before i went in today, asked her how many working lights we have and why they were not on (i know why...she always blames "the automatic timer"). she said she would call public works and have them come out ASAP. well, one light went on and off tonight. but that's it. i figure i could give her until the end of the week, then i go to the town and then to the union. part of our contract states we must be able to work in a safe and secure environment. but what does my stupid director care? she leaves at 5pm everyday. oh, did i ever tell you about the robbery in the lot right before christmas? one of our patrons had her side window smashed in and her purse stolen. granted, she left her damn purse on the front seat, but according to the cops, this is a safe town and they are shocked by these TWO incidents. the woman had her purse stolen in broad daylight, too.

so, needless to say, i am pissed. i am calling the town tomorrow to see if they have insurance (yeah, right) to cover some of this. i should not have to eat this cost.

you'd think that the director would have done something after the robbery...made sure the lot was safe by, atleast checking the light (we have 4 in the lot) or something. but, she has political aspirations and does not care about us minions and she does not want to rock the boat. fuck her!

no card, no ID, bad back

i just love to hate the patrons who come to the library with no card and no ID of any kind and expect to leave with our items. there are dozens upon dozens of people, apparently, who think it is okay to drive without having their license on them.

a lady came in with her 10ish year old son. she wanted to check out DVD's (naturally) but, as she told me before i could even open my mouth, that she had no card and no ID, just her car registration. "i've used this before", she said. okay. no problem.

she: "my back is out and it hurts and i can't make it up and down my steps because i live on the 3rd floor, so i didn't bring my card."

me(sigh): "okay."

i pass the registration and DVD's (after stamping them) to my circhead, who did not hear the spiel.

circhead(nicely because she is nice): "may i have your library card?"

she (rolls eyes, huffs and puffs): "i just told everyone else (that would be me?) that i have a bad back and it is really hurting me and i can't climb the steps and i forgot my card so i couldn't go back and i don't know why this is such a problem anyway and you have my registration."

circhead: "okay!"

she finishes checking her out and later says to me, "i don't know why everything has to be a big crisis. besides, she could've had her son get the library card!" see, i would've never thought of that. i guess that's why she gets the big bucks.

wendy's

i went to Wendy's after work to pick up a Chicken BLT salad. i went through the drive-up window. i ordered my salad and asked for the House Vinagrette dressing. cashier rings it up correctly...i can see the order on the lighted board. i pay the cashier at the first window and proceed to the second window to pick up my salad. my salad is handed to me and i check the bag because this Wendy's fucks everything up an awful lot. i see that i have Honey Mustard Dressing. so, i wait at the window for the full- grown woman to return so i can get the right dressing. i ask her for House Vinagrette. she takes back the HM and hands me Oriental Sesame dressing. okay. i again ask her for HV. she checks her order screen and it becomes painfully obvious that she can't read. she leaves the window, comes back and hands me French Dressing. now i am pissed. i say it very, very slowly..."i would like House Vinagrette, please." again walks away from the window, gets another coworker, shows her the order screen. coworker shrugs, points to something and leaves. woman finally hands me House Vinagrette. aaarrrgghhh!

the stinky couple

we have a couple, in their late 20's, that frequent the library. they are meek, weird and they stink to high heaven, probably because they are filthy-dirty. we suspect that they are the ones who are removing security tags from craft books but we can't prove it. we just have circumstantial evidence, like: they always take out craft books; they spend an awful lot of time in the craft aisle and our tags are found behind books and on the floor of that aisle; they make multiple trips to the bathroom; while one looks at books in the aisles the other stands outside the aisle and disappears whenever one of us appears. but, like i said, purely circumstantial.

at one time, we suspected that they were homeless, so we were extra nice to them and tolerated their weird behavior and filthy-stinkiness. then they started taking out videos and we figured they weren't watching them in their truck. with the missing items (craft books), their shady dealings on the computers, their hiding of videos behind the shelves and their god-awful stench, our patience wears thin.

when we thought they were homeless, we wondered why they wouldn't use our bathrooms to clean up since they spend enough time in them. their hands and faces are covered in dirt...wouldn't you want to wash your face and hands in the bathroom? they smell so bad, you can tell where they are in the building. i have serious trouble with constant nausea and i have had to walk away from them to avoid gagging and puking.

now that you know the story...tonight i was helping a patron find videos on pregnancy. stinky couple was in in the same aisle.

pregnant patron *loudly*: "UG! do you smell that!?"

me: "um, er, is this what you need?"

PP *looks around* "where is that coming from? do you smell that?"

me: "um, maybe reference could help you better than i could. they could help you find books, too"

PP:*holding her nose*: "okay...boy that is some rotten smell!"

she never knew where it was coming from. the smelly couple never turned around so i don't know if they overheard her. i kind of hope they did but i think people who smell that bad all the time probably don't even realize how much they stink.

i would rather deal with a rude SOB than stinky-filthy people. for a wealthier middle class town, we have an awful lot of non-bathers!

one size fits all?

patron walked up to the desk to return some VHS videos. he had a 2 part/2 tape movie. he called my cocircworker over and nicely told her that tape one was fine but tape 2 wouldn't fit in his player!

one of our crazier patrons came in to retrun overdue videos. he's a little boisterous but okay if he's on his meds (and i know which meds they are because he left a list of them, written on his psych's pad, tucked in a book). his overdue video fines and a book fine came to $22.40. he asked my circhead if she could give him a 'christmas present' and waive the fines. she would have reduced the fines, but the movies were from another library and we can't fool with another library's fines. she waived the 40 cents, which was our fine. he said he would come back another day to pay some of the fine and he cheerily went on his way. this occured around 4pm. at 6pm, we get a call from this same patron asking us if we were open today. huh? so we told him that we were open until 8pm. he told us that he had some videos to return and he wanted to know if we were open because he had some fines to pay. *twilight zone theme plays quietly in the background*

yankee candles

Yankee Candle had it's after christmas sale. this year, it was buy one get one free. an excellent deal. i bought Peppermint Cocoa, Happy Christmas, Holiday Bayberry, Frankincense and Myrrh, and Balsam and Cedar.

i like the christmas scents a lot, but my favorite candle to burn in the Halloween Bedroom is Midsummer's Night. it's black and it smells 'witchy'.

do you have a favorite?

my car

i love my car! it's a 1995 Saab 900 SE convertible. it has everything i ever wanted in a car. Maniac Mike didn't plan on getting me a convertible, but Hino talked me into it. i think he liked the computer doodads. my favorite thing: heated seats! oh, yes! before i got this car, i had to drive around, in the winter, with a cold ass! i dreaded the snowy winter mornings, driving to work in a cold car. but this car is, after all, Swedish. her name is Inga and Inga knows what to do in the winter. she warms my butt up within one minute, blasts the heat out like a furnace within 4 minutes, defrosts better than my microwave, lickety-split. she even has winter traction (just push the little snowflake button!) and dusting the snow off is a breeze with a convertible top. and although this doesn't really matter in winter, she has real wood panelling on the dash! oooooooooo!

and in the summer, i don't need no stinkin' air conditioning! and i always know when it's going to rain because there is a weather band radio button. lots and lots of buttons. Hino likes the buttons. i think he was PLAYING with the buttons when he crippled my poor car last Christmas. i still need one more rim because of that little accident (little? hahahahahahahahaha!). according to Hino, he has no idea how that little accident happened. could have been that aliens dropped the car as they were attempting to suck him up to the mothership. if i find those damn aliens, i am going to sue there little Gray asses because they managed to twist two rims and push the engine all the way up to the goddam dashboard!

my psychiatrist has assured me that Inga will be able to last until 400,000 miles. i could travel to the moon and back 3 times!

there's a 6 CD changer in the trunk which is perfect for listening to audio books which i love.

so, i love my little car. she isn't new, she has 107,000 miles on her, but she's paid for and she's mine.

Penguin March Story

here's the penguin story.

www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/world/12/25plumppenguins.html

Big Fat Mark update

Big Fat Mark got out of seg a couple of days ago. the computer has been removed from Brookes' office. Brookes is back on duty. another inmate squealed on BFM and the guard. that inmate was moved to another mod, Mod D. BFM was moved to Mod C. nothing more has come of this.

had a visit today 1:10 to 3:30. still no food and no poptarts. Maniac Mike told me of a story in the newspaper about King Penguins in a zoo in Japan. apparently, they get really fat in the winter, so the zookeeper makes them walk so many yards a day for excercise. they walk through the zoo while visitors watch. boy, i would LOVE to see that.

an elderly lady got sick in the visiting room and the nurse was called. the elderly lady left in a wheelchair.

MM also informed me that he would like to get a reindeer when he gets out. he saw a morning show that featured Jeff Corwin. Jeff brought a reindeer to the show. MM is a sucker for animals. he thinks he'd like to name the reindeer Blitzen or Bob. ("Bob" over my dead body!)

so, our menagerie will feature: a mule, goats, 2 dogs, cats, a reindeer, Rhode Island Red hens, possibly a cow, and, if at all possible, a penguin (or two). if i get my way, we will also have several prairie dogs (from shelters). i don't know who he thinks will take care of all these animals, but i did tell him that i DO NOT walk dogs! i don't mind shovelling shit and administering medical care, feeding and grooming the animals, but i do not walk dogs! when they whine to go out at 6 in the morning when it's pouring down freezing sleet and snow, it'll be HIS job to take them out. i mean it!

Mr Big Ass

we have a patron that regularly visits the library. i'll call him Mr Big Ass. Mr Ass has a big one. a big old, smelly ASS. the guy is in his fifties, maybe 400 pounds but i think a little more than that. he wobbles (like a Weeble) around on a tiny stick of a cane. he's filthy. he wears his pants so low that his underwear shows (white with, ugh, stains). he can't talk without first blowing his foul breath in our faces, like a bellows. he wears multiple bandaids on his fingers. bandaids that look like they haven't been changed in days...black and frayed. once in a while, i see him in a security guard uniform. i kid you not! atleast he cleans up a bit when he wears it. who would hire a fat guy who could barely walk as a security guard? what could he possible be 'securing'? and why do i see so many fuck-ups in security guard uniforms? who pays these guys?
well, lately, Mr Big Ass has been borrowing books on backpacking and hiking and vegetarian cooking. right. he must be planning to back pack from the fridge to the chair infront of the TV. i can't see him in the woods on a trail. sheesh. i often wish i could see into other peoples lives. but, if i did, i would probably have a whole lot of sympathy for them and that would ruin my 'piss on the world' attitude and then what would i have to complain about?

2006 delayed by one second

the New Year will be one second late this year.

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2005-12-26T142338Z_01_SIB475486_RTRUKOC_0_US-LIFE-LEAPSECOND.xml

Godzilla skeleton found!

"Godzilla" found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean...near Agrentina, not Japan.
(so, maybe it's really Godzilla's South American cousin?)

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/11/1110_051110_sea_monster.html

new rings, new moons for your anus

oops! i meant to say, "Uranus"
heeheeheeheehee









www.earthfiles.com/news/news.cfm?ID=1028&category=Science

keys

finding lost keys are often time consuming and much to emotional for the dumbass patron who "loses" them.

patron approaches the desk and checks out. begins to pack up to leave, roots around in their purse/jacket or pocket with a slowly growing look of grave concern.

patron: i can't find my keys!

circ: well, take your time, you'll find them. (they usually do).

patron: nope. (near panic), i lost my keys! they're not here!

circ: okay. where have you been in the library?

patron: well, i looked around and checked out just now, HERE!

circ: (sigh) where did you "look around" *sees that patron has checked out videos and DVD's*

patron *points vaguely* over there!

circ (fucking sigh): okay. you have videos and DVD's. take a look in those sections and i'll be over to help in one minute.

it is a little known fact that when someone loses keys, they also lose their sense of direction.

patron wanders around, still digging in purse/jackets/pockets. glances at shelves and comes back.

circ: no luck?

patron (here comes the whine) no, i don't know where they could be!

circ (assuming patron LOOKED near the videos and DVD's): okay, did you use a catalog?

patron: what's that?

circ (of course he would say that)*points to catalogs*: it's where you search for books and other things, on a computer catalog.

patron: no, i have videos. (i don't need no stinkin' catalog)

circ: well, did you read a newspaper or sit down at a table in the back.

patron: i don't think so. *looks confused*

circ: well, don't panic...did you use a computer terminal?

patron *lighbulb pops up over his head* oh, yeah!

patron finds the keys near the computer terminal where he has been working for the past three hours!

many of these dimwitted fools have equally dimwitted children. why can't they lose them!

cell phones

although we have many signs asking patrons not to bring cell phones into the library or, atleast, to turn them off, patrons bring them in, use them and lose them an awful lot. (if you just left the annoying thing in the car, you wouldn't have lost it).

when a patron loses a cell phone in the library, we do the easiest thing we can do: we let the patron use our phone to call the phone so it will ring, then we can track it down. our library is so small, we can here a phone ring anywhere in the library. we know this because patron's receive numerous calls during the day and we are constantly telling the ignorant fuckers to "take the call in the foyer!". sometimes we have problems. many times, the patron will not know their cell number or on very, very rare occasions, they will have turned the phone off, or placed it on vibrate (although, we have also been able to track down vibrating phones...we are that good).

the absolute best thing that can happen is:

patron *walks up to the desk, shakey and out-of-sorts*: i lost my cell phone!!!!(ohmigod! a crisis!)

circ: yes and....?

patron: can you help me find it?

circ: well, let's call the phone and see if we can track it down by the ringtone. *hands patron phone*

patron *visibly shaking, near tears*: i can't believe i lost my ppphhhhhooooonnnnneeeeeeeee! *sniff, sniff*

patron dials number. we hear a ringtone and IT'S COMING FROM HER GOSHDARN PURSE!

this has happened more times than i can remember, so many times in fact, we no longer need to discuss the dumb patron amongst ourselves. it's old hat.

Lost and found: gloves

the three items patrons most often lose in the library are keys, gloves and cell phones.

gloves are the easiest items to deal with. if we find them in the library, we just chuck them in the lost and found with all the other scummy, dirty, smelly clothing. patrons do not normally ever realize thay have lost their gloves so we are rarely asked to help find them. there is one patron, whom i DESPISE who nearly every single time she is in (during the winter) will lose one glove. just one. i'll call her by her latin name Khozarius alzheimerian.

KA is an elderly lady who has told us on may occasions that she is helpless. "oh, i'm so helpless", she'll whine and whine and whine. she's right, of course, she is helpless. now, i cannot stand it when a woman of any age acts helpless. this grates on my feministaness. but, if any patron, regardless of age or need asks for my help (carrying books, finding books, picking up items off the floor, whatever), i will gladly help. but don't whine to me and expect me to guess what you need help with. anyway, KA always manages to leave behind one glove. we put it aside at circ because we know what is coming: the pitiful phone call of helplessness.

*rriiinnnggg*

circ: hello, circulation

KH (whining and not telling us who she is, cause we are PSYCHIC and should know): oh, did i leave my glove behind?

circ: can i ask who's calling?

KH(whine whine): Khozariuos Alzheimerian

circ: oh, is your glove black? (haha we already know it's your glove but we want you to work for it)

KH(sigh, whine): oh, yes!

circ: yes, we have it.

KH(WHINEY WHINE WHINE): oh, i can't possibly come out to get it, i'm so helpless! i'll come the next time i come for books.

circ: okay! (sheesh)

good reading for christmas

check out www.livejournal.com/community/customers-suck/ for your after christmas reading pleasure!

poptart demise

it is my sad duty to report that Maniac Mike's poptart streak has come to an end. by the time our 6pm visit rolled around, there was no food in the vending machines that worked. there was a vending machine full of food that did not work. the only thing MM had to eat was a special K cereal bar (blech!). close enough to a poptart, but no cigar. otherwise, we had a nice visit.

just got home from Christmas Eve...what is it, like, 4:30am? i'll be sleeping in tomorrow as i have nowhere to go and we have monday off, too. later.

Underwear Gnome

there's a creepy little guy that gets regular visits in prison. Maniac Mike calls him the Underwear Gnome. today, MM found out the guy is in prison for child pornography. MM has to share a mod with the sexual offenders and it thoroughly grosses him out. MM houses on the right side of the mod and sex offenders are on the left. all the sex offenders must attend a program, something like Perverts Anonymous, i guess. if they don't attend the program, they can't work and they cannot get time for good behavior. i never knew that there were so many sexual offenders in this little state. they make up a large percentage of the prison population. in Florida, it was rare to find a sexual offender mixed in with the "regular" population. in a "normal" prison, sex offenders, especially child molestors are the pond scum, bottom-of-the-barrel inmates. they got beat up, fucked up and ostrascized. in RI, an inmate can go to seg just for looking the wrong way at a Chester. any Chester can say that a certain inmate harrassed him and, just on the word of a damn Chester, the inmate can get seg. this is fucked up. Chesters and rapists ar PROTECTED in RI's prison system. tell me that is not WRONG!

Christmas Eve, polish style

our family is Polish so our christmas celebrations begin on Christmas Eve. we call Christmas Eve "Wigilia" (pronounced Va-lee-ya...i may not have the correct spelling). traditionally, Wigilia begins when the first star is spotted in the sky and lasts until well after midnight mass. we usually have some traditional food like Pierogies and Kielbasa, but never fish soup! this year, we are having meatballs. we don't celebrate it up like we used to. Hino is grown and Dzadzu has died, our pets have all passed away. Maniac Mike is in prison and he has never experienced a Polish christmas but i know he will love it.

we used to have a hell of a time trying to explain to Hinoserm why Santa comes a day early to our house and on the 25th to other kids' houses. we told him he goes to the Polish houses first and to explain how Santa knows which houses belong to Poles, my sister made up a story about the magic light in the window that signals Santa to come to our house first.

we also had a hell of a time getting Hino to believe in Santa. we had a particularly hard time one christmas. he didn't believe. then he woke up christmas morning to find that one of Santa's reindeer puked on the special Santa rug by the firepace. we left out carrots for the reindeer and the puke had carrot bits in it, so Hino believed Santa (or atleast the reindeer) stopped by to fill the stockings (we opened stocking on christmas day).

one year, Hino's uncle dressed up as Santa but Hino knew who it really was. we asked him how he knew and Hino said "Santa" was wearing Uncle's watch!

another year, i convinced my boyfriend to don a Santa suit to deliver his gift of a soldering iron (i think Hino was 6 or 7 years old and he wanted a soldering iron real bad. a geek even then!). so, Santa stopped by and dropped off the soldering iron. when Hino opened the box, it was a Chia Pet. damn, he was even excitied about that! anyway, we had to call Santa to tell him he left the wrong present and Santa came back and delivered the soldering iron. the iron was used, so we told Hino that that was a special soldering iron, one that the elves usued to make toys and stuff. ha!

poor Hino. we really gaslighted that poor kid!

four things

a list of "four things":

four movies to watch over and over again:

• It's a Wonderful Life
• Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (w/Gene Wilder)
• The Wizard of Oz
• Miracle on 34th Street

four places i've visited on vacation:

• Maui (Haleakala Crater)
• Italy (Rome, Genoa, Venice)
• The Statue of Liberty
• France (Quimpere, Nice, Paris)

four pizza favorite pizza toppings:

• black olives
• artichoke
• mushrooms
• green peppers

four costumes i've worn for Halloween:

• vampiress
• snow woman
• witch
• clown trampled by circus elephants

four favorite beverages:

• IBC Creme and Rootbeer Soda
• Newport Creamery Vanilla Cabinet
• Johnny Rocket's Cherry Cokes
• Chi Chi's (only in Hawaii)

four favorite resaurants:

• Newport Creamery (RI)
• Johnny Rockets (everywhere)
• Steak and Shake (Florida)
• Pattie's Chinese Kitchen (Hawaii)

four websites i visit daily:

• Unknown Country
• Coast To Coast AM
• Happyville Library
• CNN, MSNBC, Turn to 10, BBC (news)

four favorite desserts:

• Hot Fudge Banana Sundae at Newport Creamery
• Eclairs fro Wright's Dairy Farm
• Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts
• that hot fried cheescake thing at Applebee's

idea stolen from I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking at www.imthinkingimthinking.blogspot.com

Jackass penguin

this is a jackass penguin, so named because they bray like donkeys. this would be Toga fully grown. i understand that $13,000 has been raised as reward money. i don't have much hope. Maniac Mike told me that he has seen Toga's parents on the news. the father keeps looking in the nest. what must they be thinking? the poor things!

when they find the creep who stole the penguin, i hope they do nasty things to his testicles with a fork!

dreaming about bad patrons

i had a weird dream about a patron that does not exist. even while dreaming, i am still 'working' in the library.

a man of middle eastern origins walked into the library. he walked over to a large reading table in the back of the library, between new non-fic and new fic. i didn't see what he was doing. i didn't care. the man approaches the circ desk and asks me if we have any paper plates we can give him. i fibbed and said we had no paper plates (of course we do...in the STAFF room). he asks again and again i said, "no. sorry." "you're not sorry", he replies. hurumph

i watch the man walk back to the table wondering what he needs plates for. i see that he is walking around the table setting places with a paper plate, and plastic knives, forks and spoons. he has a couple of Coke bottles on the table as well. i ask him what he is doing. "i'm giving a seminar and i am serving food afterwards. that is my custom." he looks at me like i am an imbecile. i explain to him that food is not allowed in the library and, furthermore, seminars can be held inthe program room not out on the floor of the library. he shoots me daggers and i tell him i will see if the program room is available. i check with the secretary and it has been booked (by the library...us...for our christmas party). i tell the man that our room is booked. he refuses to pick up the plates and accuses me of being a bigot. right. not letting you eat a full course meal with 12 other men in a public library makes me a racist. he starts spitting words at me and accusing me of having a lot of paper plates but not giving him any because he is Iranian and all americans hate Iranians and he's a man! how dare i tell him what he can and can't do.

so,i did the only thing i could do. i got the director.

unfortunatley, i don't know how the dream ended. i DO know that the director would not let anyone eat over her 'new' carpet...which is 4 or 5 years old. that is 'new' to us compared with the original orange and gold carpeting of the early 80's...which has not even been shampooed in the last 13 years!

so, even in my dreams i cannot escape rotten patrons!

Every Person on the Planet

oh, damn that 'search inside'! i read about this book on Reuters. the complete title is: Every Person on the Planet: an only somewhat anxiety filled tale for the holidays. Rosemary and Edmund and their cat, Delia, invite every person on the planet to their home on a quiet street in Brooklyn for Christmas. i have not read the book, but the write up is hilarious. check it out.

stolen penguin

a baby jackass penguin named Toga was stolen from a British zoo. zoo officials say the baby will die because it needs a special diet fed to him by his parents. they also say that the penguin will not make a good pet as he will bite anything that is not another penguin. they say they will look the other way if he's returned.

what miserable fool would steal a baby animal from a zoo? sure, i want a penguin...they are so damn cute...but why would i risk harm to an animal i love? what happened to the good old days when crooks stole cash and jewelry? listen, if you stole that baby, you'd better bring it back!

food for fines

another young lady...early twenties...came to the library tonight to pay off her fines with food. i explained that food would not pay off old fines but i figured i'd check her card and see if it was only a couple of bucks, since she brought in two food items (one expired box of stuffing and a can of cranberry sauce). sigh. you know what's next. she had $16 worth of fines from the summer. video fines, of course. so, i told her i was sorry but she didn't have to pay the fines just then anyway if she wasn't going to be using the library in the near future. so, she took her food and left.

on the other hand, another cocircworker got a patron who brought in a case of spaghetti'o's and bags of canned goods to pay for an old fine of $11. in this case, my supervisor gratefully took the food and waived the fine. she was just so happy that someone had the spirit to actually GIVE. we are collecting food for the women's shelter and to thank patrons we forgive overdue items. but Food For Fines has become a way for the public to pawn off their Knorr Leek Soup packets and expired cans of black beans on us and expect us to waive substantial fines...most of them video fines. sheesh.

patriot act cartoon

asteroid headed our way

an asteroid is headed our way and will hit the earth in 31 years. The asteroid, named Apophis after the ancient egyptian spirit of evil and destruction, was discovered in June. the impact, which could occur in 2036 (or as early as 2031) would release 100,000 times the energy of the bomb the US dropped on Hiroshima during WWII. no area of the earth would be unaffected. we would all experience the effects of a nuclear winter.

just spreading some christmas cheer!

thieves in the library

yesterday, after i left work, the children's librarian caught a kid stealing candy from the program room. the children's librarian was setting up for a program, going in and out of the program room, so the door was not locked as it usually is. she walked into the room and saw one of the regular brats (that we have to babysit) in the room. she saw that he had his pants pockets stuffed and she saw that candy that was set out on the table at each child's place setting, was missing. she asked this kid, who is a glib, fast-talking little prick who thinks he can charm his way out of every situation, to empty his pockets. he did and, low and behold, there's the missing candy.

now, i would've called the cops, because i am not nice. the librarian didn't even take the candy away from him. the Prick told her some big fat lie: the bus driver of bus 39 gave him candy. right. all the children's librarian did was tell the kid to have his mom come in when she picked him up.

once again, i would've called the cops.

so, now we have a known thief in the library and frankly, i am leery of keeping my locker unlocked. we have never had locks but i am thinking of getting one now.

i am also sick to death of babysitting other parent's brats. the middle/high school is right across the parking lot and all the tweens come over after school and cause us nothing but grief. i HATE THEM! but, i hate their parent's more.

big fat mark

yesterday, i found out that an inmate Maniac Mike loathes went to seg (segregation, solitary). MM calls the inmate Big Fat Mark. today, we learned why he went to seg.

Big Fat Mark (a Chester) is a favorite of one of the guards in MM's mod, Brookes. Big Fat Mark is Brookes' snitch so BFM gets to eat lunch with Brookes in the guards bubble (small, glassed in room where they can watch the whole mod). it was also known that Brookes let's BFM use the COMPUTER! we don't know if it offers internet access. can you imagine letting a known child molestor use the internet!!! well, it now appears that BFM went to seg because asshole Brookes let the INMATE do the count (counting inmates while they are locked in their cells for the night) over the weekend. that is absolutely absurd. this fucking guard is do damn lazy anyway, but to let an inmate call the roll is totally messed up.

MM is waiting to see if Brookes returns. so far, he's a no show.

by the way, these guards make more money than God, do shit-nothing for work and bitch and moan that they have "the toughest beat in RI". right. tell that to a REAL COP!!

typos and brain farts

here are my worst typos:

• to= too, two
• half=have
• know=no
• asshole=Bush
• and=an
• the=they

there are many more, but these are my most frequent typos. i also cannot spell and i don't know how to use the spellcheck (i don't know which is more pathetic). so, bear (bare) with me.

poptart update

it has now been 6 visits in a row that Maniac Mike has eaten poptarts. today, however, he ate strawberry poptarts and we had a 'discussion' about them. i say that strawberry poptarts will cause a raging fire if left in the toaster to long and are superheated. he thinks i am crazy. i am sure i saw a Dateline or MSNBC or 60 Minutes on flaming strawberry poptarts and he thinks i'm crazy. he had the nerve to say to me, "yea, right. i'm sure Mike Wallace did an expose on the dangers of poptarts and toasters." huh! well, i didn't say Mike Wallace was the reporter now, did i? sheesh.

happy holy moly day

we had an older woman walk into the library this morning bitching and moaning and looking like she just ate a shit sandwich. she started complaining to my cocircworker that the clerk in the Target store had just wished her a "Happy Holiday". "well", said patron, "i TOLD her that it WASN'T a happy holiday, it was the day Jesus was born!" oookkkkaaaay. she insisted, to the clerk, that it was a Merry Christmas. "Christmas!", she spat. i saw my cocircworker take a couple of steps back.

patron selects some books and as she leaves the library she SHOUTS (yes, shouts), "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

okay, all you morons out there who are offended because someone wishes you a happy holiday, get over it. i know this will come as a shock, but not everyone in this fundamentalist ridden country is a christian. in this state, atleast, we still have Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and, ohmigod! Atheists! *runs screaming, jumps under the bed to hide*

so, have a Freakin' Happy Holiday and a Fuckin' New Year!

food for fines

it was a pretty good day at the library. it started off slow and then started to grow right after my cocircworker commented that it would be 'dead' in the library for the Christmas week. it is a little known theory of quantum physics that things will 'get busier' in direct proportion to how many times the words 'it's slow' are spoken. we went from 1.00023% busy to 65.99325046% busy within the space of 20 minutes and 22 seconds. very difficult mathematical acrobatics...don't even try it.

we are holding the annual and terminally depressing 'Food For Fines' until December 23. FFF works like this: if you have an overdue item, no matter how long it has been 'overdue', you can bring in one canned good (or, as the director wrote in the flyer "can good") for each overdue item and have your fines waived. we hope this will raise food for the local women's shelter AND help us get back some long overdue items. even if your fine has maxed out to $15, bring in one canned good and we call it even. simple. not really.

patrons have a way of making something simple terribly complex. so, we had one patron, whom we all know to be LOADED with $$ come into the library with a box of pasta and 3 canned items to waive an old fine accrued in November. she does this every single year. we expained how FFF works. the funny thing was, she only had a fine of $3.30. she paid the fine and let us keep the food. that was cool.

we had a young lady come in with 2 boxes of spaghetti and 2 canned items. she wanted to pay off her fines AND, by the way, could she also get a new library card. i told her the charge to replace a card was only $1 and, unfortunately, we could not take food for it. i looked her up and YES she had fines from 2000, 2001 and 2003 totalling $18. she thrust the food at me, "here ya go!" and i patiently explained how food for fines worked. AGAIN. well, she was very pleasant, paid her old fine (i told her she didn't have to until she planned on using the library) and let us keep the food. so, not a bad day.

this year, we had to make a point of telling people that we would not accept expired food items and we printed it on all our flyers, in the newspaper and on our sign outside! in the past, we would receive so much expired food, we would through a third of it away! ah, such middle 'class' patrons.

tennis ball lady update

well, tennis ball lady's husband has been moved to a different mod in the prison so i won't be sharing visits with her anymore. i feel curiously saddened. she was the best of the worst and i'll miss her. her husband was moved because he will be going home in january or february.

we still have some other strange inmates and visitors...No Neck (lady), Buckwheat (inmate with big, ratty hair), Sirius Black and his odd little munchkin of a nephew (slow, large, short teenager) and, of course, Big Bible Lady and her Holy Roller hubby, and Mustache Girl. oh, and then there are the guards...Captain Corn Cob, Lurch and One and a Half Push-ups.

we won't run out of characters. when one leaves, another steps right in to fill their shoes.

Sirius A and B

this is a NASA photo of the brightest star in our night sky: Sirius A, with it's companion star, Sirius B, the tiny little dot in the left lower quadrant. awesome!

big bible lady (not for the easily offended)

i had a visit with Maniac Mike this past friday. one of the visitors is an Amish man that will come and visit with a couple of inmates in one visit, one after the other. he's got the typical Amish beard...no mustache. for some reason, a guy with a beard and no mustache kind of creeps me out. like, he's unfinished or something.

Amish man walks over to the games cupboard and takes out the Big Bible. hhmmmm.

in comes Big Bible Lady. she has to settle for a smaller bible because Big Bible is taken. poor thing.

later, MM and i see the Amish man get up to leave. he brings the Big Bible back to the cupboard. MM says to me, "Look at this!" Big Bible Lady jumps out of her seat and practically runs over to the cupboard to get the Big Bible. she gets back to the table where her Holy Roller is waiting eagerly for 'his' bible. he puts his arms out and grabs the Big Bible (gimme gimme gimme!) and places it, momentarily, on his lap (near his dick? is that strange or what!?) MM says, "Look, he's jonesing for that bible!" i bust out laughing. i couldn't see their table, but MM could and he kept me abreast to what was going on behind me. Holy Roller put the Big Bible on the table and stroked it! then he opened it, put his glasses on and began to look like he was reading it. my theory is that he is lecturing his wife through the whole visit because that's what Holy Rollers do best. the worst part is, this guy is here for a sex crime! but don't worry. he's forgiven. all a sinner has to do is say the magic word, 'Jesus!' and all his sins and crimes and wickedness is wiped away. so don't worry. if you're a Chester (child molester) just say the magic word and God will forget all about your kiddie-diddling!

question of the day

which do you find more offensive: clerks wishing you 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Holidays'? or do you find both or neither of them offensive? how about 'Season's Greetings'?

question of the day

what's your addiction?

christmas comping

well, another looong day. i went to work 9 to 5 and after that Hinoserm and i went to do some light but desperate christmas shopping. desperate because i have to have something to mail out to Maniac Mikes mom on monday (say that five times fast). we found everything which is a major relief. we even found the Seraphim Angel that MM always gives to his mom on major holidays...you know, christmas, easter, mom's day and birthday. i have know idea what she does with these angels, she must have 30 by now! when MM finds a good thing, he sticks to it and never waivers. like poptarts. the last 5 visits there have been poptarts in the vending machines and he has eaten them each day. the last time i ate a poptart was, oh, fifteen years ago. poptarts five days in a row is called an addiction! step AWAY from the poptart, back up slowly, admit you are weak and give it up to a higher power.

my mother is getting a Pope for christmas.

so, what's up with CompUsa? why is it every time Hino and i, or Hino and his aunt go anywhere Hino always has to stop at a compusa? i swear, we'd be out in east japeepee and he'd say, "i need to stop at CompUsa" and i'd think that there couldn't possible be a CompUsa within 25 miles of here and low and behold, around the bend is a CompUsa. like he has all the locations memorized OR the store miraculously materializes to fill his need. this is also and addiction...step away from the CompUsa, back up slowly, admit you are powerless, etc.

pervert alert

we had a creepy patron in the library today. some guy, looked about 59/60. seriouly pale with a feeble, greasy gray ponytail. he was using one of the computer terminals. he came up to the desk and asked me if he could have the library's password to the computer. we need to log in the computers in the morning with a password and whenever some yahoo turns them off (inspite of the mega signs and stickers that read "DO NOT turn off computers!!!!") we have to retype the password to log on again. so, i looked the guy square in the eye and said, "NO!". dipweed. like we just casually hand over the password...here, take the keys to the front door, too. anyway, he didn't want the login password, he wanted the password to unblock the filter (that screens for kinky websites, etc). yeah, i'll hand that right over. so, i got the reference librarian to remove the filter because i can never remember the damn password...we are rarely asked. later, we learned that he was looking at a website called "sex search" or something like that. creep.

yes, i believe people have the right to look at anything they want on the web BUT our monitors are out in the open, for the public to see as they pass by and children use the library, too. if he was still there when the middle school let their brats out (they meet at the library every-freakin-day), i was going to ask him to leave. but, he left before then. one patron, who was using the computer next to him (they are shoulder-to-shoulder as we have NO SPACE FOR ANYTHING!) complained.

creep.

Dummies for Dummies

i have just read the latest posting on my favorite blog www.librariesfordummies.blogspot.com. L.I. must stop using Libraries for Dummies or risk being sued by the jerks that publish those lame ass (insert word here) For Dummies books. does anyone actually read these books and think they will learn anything from them? aargh! this just pisses me off. pretty soon, someone will trademark the word "the" and we'll all be screwed. (oh! seriously funny Monty Python memories...remember the Knights who say Ni? hahahahahaha. love Monty Python!)

good luck !

question of the day

in honor of McCain and Bush signing a "no torture" agreement...what kind of torture should be applied to New England weathermen who can't tell a "light snow" from a damn "blizzard"? i say they should be forced to strip and stand on the side of the road when the snowplow passes by. no boots, either.
i anticipate hell freezing over for the morning commute tomorrow...since they are now predicting rain, temps in the 40's with thunderstorms, maybe an inch of snow...or 100% "chance" of rain, sleet, ice. who comes up with this stuff? i invision a Twister spin card with triangles labelled "snow", "partly cloudy", "pigs flying", "frog spawn falling from the sky". spin the arrow, that's the forecast. it would be more accurate, too

patron

a skinny, drippy, dyed blonde walks into the library and stops at the desk. she wants to use the internet. each of our 70 RI libraries has their own policy of computer access. i ask the woman for her card and she hands it to me. i see she has not been informed of our policy (we put a sticker on the card to show the policy has been signed and agreed to). i ask for her license to register her and she says, "oh, i gues this library isn't up to speed. i don't have to do this at all the other libraries. i just enter my card number at the terminal". well, i shot her daggers. well, lah-di-dah for you, miss thing. i'm sure you have been to ALL the libraries (ALL 70). i happen to know the policies of 5 area libraries and only ONE allows you to sign in at the terminal. but you STILL have to stop at the desk and be ASSIGNED a computer. boy, what i would give to say what i want to these "people" and still be able to keep my job. i tell my coworkers, if i ever get a terminal disease, every one of our most miserable patrons will get an earful from me.

well, i did get some degree of pleasure after all. the bitch forgot to pick up her library card when she was through using the computer. HAHAHAHAHA! -snort- HAHAHAHAHAHA!

aaarrrghhhh!!!!!!

i am so fucking mad! i just spent 20 minutes writing a damn post and my damn internet fucking crashed. i fucking HATE fucking COX CABLE and their cheap ass fucking modems! Fuck!!!

brain fog

i have big time brain fog. can't remember much of what happened today at work so i have no work related stories to share. Our secretary brought in 4 Mrs Prindable's caramel/chocolate covered apples. MMMMMM-MMMM Good!

i got a card from Maniac Mike. it's a yuletide card made by another inmate. it's really good. it has Mickety Mouse on the cover dressed as the sorcerer's apprentice, waving his wand and wishing me a Happy Yuletide. neato!

you might want to check out this blog www.boredatwork.com. also an excellent site www.freewayblogger.com. for liberals, you might want to try www.huffingtonpost.com and Margaret Cho's website and blog at www.margaretcho.com. i saw her Assasin DVD and i was disappointed. i still like her work though.

for comics, check out www.comics.com. that's where i find Get Fuzzy. i think that strip is Mike's favourite and mine, too though Opus is i close second. not only does this site have comic strips, it also has editorial cartoons.

see you tomorrow!

question of the day

do you prefer to read paperbacks of hard covers?

Bush in a bubble?

today, Bush said he did not live in "a bubble". he knows what's going on. he reads newspapers, but "not every single article". he watches news "clips". well, i think the President should be watching more than 30 second clips and soudbites. just because that's all he can manage to spit out of his mouth doesn't mean he's excused from doing his homework. when are we going to impeach this asshole? i am HOPING for a draft because that is probably the only thing that will wake up the American population. you thing all the yuppie, white, young american republicans would go for a draft? you think all the Bible colleges want to lose their students? hell no! so, dear W, try and draft our asses and you'll finally get yours kicked.

question of the day

what's your favorite kind of bagel?

long day

it's been a long day. i went to work for 9am. around 11am, an elderly man broke out his harmonica and played 'we wish you a merry christmas' for the staff while his wife checked out books. oookkkaaayyy. we laughed. it felt a tad awkward...what do you say to a man that breaks out a harmonica before noon in a library? we said thanks.

i left work early to get down to Sears to purchase 2 tires, get an oil change and winter wipers put on the car. i was there for 2 hours.

from Sears, i went right to the prison for our 6pm visit. i was only 10 minutes late. we had a nice visit but there wasn't really anyone there that we could talk about. sigh. Maniac Mike did point out the mother who only visits her son twice a year...on her way from Martha's Vineyard to her daughter's house in Florida. yep. she drives to Florida to visit her daughter but can't get to RI to visit her son the rest of the year. then there was Lying Bill, an inmate, who has never gotten a rumour right since MM has been there. when he says that they'll be 'locked in' for the night, they aren't. when he says they are showing 'a porno-type movie' on tv, they don't (come on dude! it's a prison!). he told MM that they weren't offering Christmas-type snacks this year, and of course, they are. MM actually fell for that one and i ragged on him for that. he really is far too trusting. so, anytime MM tells me something that he 'heard' might happen, i ask if Lying Bill told him.

i got home around 9:30pm, unwrapped a new bar of handmade, luxurious Maine Woods scented soap, took a shower and planted myself infront of this computer to read more of Libraries For Dummies...(www.librariesfordummies.blogspot.com).

now i am super tired, wired and i don't know how i'll get to sleep. y'know how you get overtired, so tired you feel wound up? i hate that feeling. luckily, i have meds and i don't have to get to work until 2pm tomorrow.

nighty-night!

cute fuzzy honduran white bats

oh come on! they are cute!

question of the day

when you flush the toilet, do you keep the lid up or do you close the lid first?

snow hater

the snow brings out the worst in me. there are two things i hate about people and snow.

i hate it when i shovel out my parking spot, all by myself, then pull my car out so the snowplow can clean out the snow...and some asshole pulls into my spot. this has happened to me three times while i was waiting to pull back into my parking spot. the first time, it was a woman and the next two times, MEN pulled into my spot. able bodied young men. all three times, i cursed and swore and got my spot back. who would think it is acceptable to wait for someone else to clean out a parking space and then pull into it?

and the other thing that bugs me big time...why don't people clean off their cars before they drive on the road ways and highways? i have seen cars covered in snow, with only the front window cleaned off. both yesterday and today, i was driving on the highway behind snow covered cars when all the snow slid off their roofs and smacked into my windshield. i have been able to avoid a dozen other snow laden cars and vans. jeezus people! get your lazy asses a broom and clean off your cars! i would like to know how many accidents are caused by these assholes.

tennis ball lady update

well, old TBL has her tennis balls back! yep, she's back on the walker. seems she had a spill...fell flat on her face. the rumor is she fell while leaving the hospital after some procedure... some sort of injection to the kidneys. it's hard to get any real information and i'm sure i was too late to the visitor center to hear her full story. apparently, she was exiting the hospital and fell down the stairs. splat! on her face. she does look pretty bad. she has two raccoon eyes and a big round gash on her forehead and i heard her nose was broken. Maniac Mike got that last bit of info from TBL's husband. dear God, i am sooooo not-nice that the first thing i said to Mike was, "damn! i wish i was there to see it!" okay, so i'm going to hell...ALREADY KNEW THAT.
another regular visitor...Big Bible Lady...said she felt sooooooo sorry for her. the Captain, Captain Corn Cob Up the Ass, stood behind both of us while we waitied in the alcove for the second sliding door to close, and Big Bible Lady said to him, "doesn't she look awful, poor thing." the Captain grunted. BBL added, "she must have had a bad fall." and the captain said, "i'm glad she didn't fall HERE!"
yep. because she would have SUED the department of corrections. i wonder if she plans on suing the hospital?
when Mike first told me that her husband said she had a fall, i thought that was a cover story...it may still be. one of her sons likes beating on her and the last time she came in black and blue, it was because he "pushed" her against a wall. she had big, nasty, crusty round marks on her arms. i'm curious to hear the story from her own mouth.
by the way, Big Bible Lady is so named because, at each visit, she runs to the books and games cabinet in the visitor room to get the biggest bible. it is BIG. her husband is the old twerp (5'4" and maybe 110 lbs) who was going around telling eveyone Maniac Mike is a devil worshipper. Mike is a witch, a Pagan who does not even believe in the christian devil. and the last thing MM would do would be to spread unfounded rumors about anothers religious beliefs, preferring to be left alone himself. however, MM is not adverse to punching the twerps lights out. boy, i would like to see that.

Strange Brew

air marshal shooting

what do you think about the shooting? my husband and i discussed this last night at our visit. he is firmly against the actions of the air marshals. i am firmly in their corner. if my son was on that plane and someone was acting aggresively and said he had a bomb on him (in his backpack or whatever), i would want the cops to take him down...fast. true, i wish they hadn't killed the guy but he was reaching into his bag and the marshals had to make a split second decision. what if he DID have a bomb? we would be calling the cops heroes. Mike thinks they should have listened to the wife who was screaming that her husband was bipolar. come on! listen to a screaming women who, for all they would know, might be an accomplice?

now we are hearing from mental health activists who are criticizing the feds and think they should be trained for these scenarios. what? now they need a degree in psychology? sit a raving lunatic on a couch and carefully question him, ask if he took his medication today, before acting? COME ON. listen, i have a lot of sympathy for people who suffer with mental illness. i have posttraumatic stress disorder and i have had many crazy episodes. i know that i have to stay on my meds. i take that responsibility very seriously. if that passenger did not take his meds, well, who's responsible? not the other passengers who were in real danger...let's not forget the other, innocent passengers. if someone has an mental illness that would put others at risk, that individual MUST take responsibility for his actions.

i have read that the guy and his wife were arguing on the plane. maybe he wanted to shake her up, or be a big shot, so he says the first BIG thing that comes to him...the MOST dreaded words you could hear on a plane nowadays..."I HAVE A BOMB!" how would you react to those words?

i hate snow

well, today was a snow day big-time! we got atleast 7" with a few small drifts. at one point during the storm, i thought i heard thunder but it was just the wind whipping around. luckily, i did not have anywhere to go today...no work and no visit. i called the library around 2pm and asked if staff was going to be dismissed early. Nope. of course not. the director has a big old SUV, so why should she worry.
i shovelled. i hate shovelling. i hate snow. even when i can stay at home, i hate it. last winter was FULL of snowdays...so, listen up God! i don't want another winter like that!
like He listens to me. right.

prison visitors

i'll admit it...i like making fun of people. i like wondering what their lives must be like. i like it when someone i truly dislike has a bizarre sob story. something along the lines of 'i lost my tennis balls in the van and had to crawl around and look for them and my no-good grandaughter was too lazy to help me find them!'
that is an actual line from one of the visitors that comes to see an inmate at the prison. Maniac Mike and i have dubbed her The Tennis Ball Lady because she had tennis balls stuck to the legs of her walker. when i first met her, i had no idea why she needed a walker as she walked much faster and steadier than i did. turns out she falls a lot from diabetes or something. she has fallen out of bed on many occasions and she just loves to regale us with her "i'm so sick, poor me" stories. whenever she gets even the slightest boo-boo, all her doctors confer and agree that she's a remarkable specimen and they can't figure out why she is still alive. "i should be dead" is her rallying cry. a few months ago she graduated from walker to cane to nothing and now she has a cane again. she does seem shakier than ever.
this lady has been trying to get me into a conversation for the 2 years i've been visiting Mike. whenever she does manage to catch me next to her and without a book, she tries to talk to me. TO ME. not with me. her conversation is all about HER and HER problems and medical maladies and her fucked up sons who want nothing to do with her and how she thinks having to come to every visit is too much and she doesn't like to drive at night...blah, blah blah, blah, blah. i hate her.
she reminds me of the old witch in Hansel and Gretel...the one who ate the children. yuck.

i hate mechanics because they LIE

triple A arrived 15 minutes after i posted the last entry. i arrived at the garage around 9:30. i did not leave the goddamn place until 4:15. i cannot even begin to tell you how pissed off i am. i could spit fire. at 1:40, i was told they got a wrong part...the MAJOR part from the parts store which is in Providence. the mechanic said he called for a new one. i asked him if 20 minutes was fair (to wait for the part) and another 1/2 hour to replace the part and he said yes. so, at 2:30, i ask if they were almost done. almost, he said. then, at 3 o'clock, i saw a man hobble in with a box that looked suspiciously like the box that held the wrong part i was shown earlier. i went up to the mechanic and asked, "is that the new part!!" and he sheepishly said, "yea." well, i freakin' flipped! FLIPPED! i told him this was not the first time i was lied to about how long a repair would be and that this was a FULL DAY missed of work...i had missed a full fucking day the last time. he tried to blame it entirely on the autoparts place but i told him it was HIS job to get on the pbone and say, "hey buddy, where's the part i'm waiting for?!" aaaaarrrrrggghhhh! nobody can fucking do their fucking jobs anymore. nobody takes any fucking pride nor responsibility for their work anymore. we are a country full of fuck-ups who only care about the paycheck and not the quality of the work we do. granted, millions of people do not get paid for the very real work they do but many millions more get paid for doing NOTHING and even doing THAT wrong. and it starts with the president and his fucking cronies and the billions they make off of US.

anyway, i got 100 bucks off my bill and i told them, if i do return for any reason, i want the time any work will take written down as well as the estimate for the labor. i don't mind waiting for work, but don't tell me i'll be done in an hour and them make me wait another TWO and a 1/2 hours. assholes.

AAA

i'm waiting for triple A to tow my car. last night, the control arm on my car "went". i missed my visit last night and i'm missing work this morning. another circ worker called in sick, so there is only one circ clerk on the desk this morning. oh, well. i can't drive my car and i haven't got a ride since Hinoserm is at my sister's house and he's not allowed to drive after crashing her Jaguar and causing $6800 in damage. my sister is really too sick to go out. so, i can only hope i can get to the garage and get it fixed today ASAP. oh happy day.

christmas "party"

truthfully, i believe the words 'Christmas' and 'party' do not belong together, sorta like 'hell' and 'happiness'. tomorrow is the library christmas party. oh, joy. see how i dance around, singing festively, twirling on my toes and smiling from ear to ear. not. i have no desire to go, but i will. the last thing i want to do is spend even more time with coworkers and worse, the boss. why? i see them 32 hours a week...far more time than i spend with either my husband or my son. no, what i want to do and what my body wants me to do is go home after working 8 hours and chill. plus, i have work saturday morning to look forward to. i guess i am a bit of a scrooge, eh? yes, i agree. but i am not a party person, prefering to be alone most of the time. i can entertain myself quite well, thanks.

anyway, we have secret santas this year, which was a good idea. we should have done it a long time ago. i usually spend close to $250 at christmas just for staff gifts...money i could use on family. so, this year, we spend $25 for our secret santa. not bad. i hope. i had to buy for the children's librarian, whom i do not know too well. she has mentioned that we got her hooked on candy, chocolate, so i bought her a bunch of chocolate items...chocolate body wash, chocolate body frosting (edible. she's married), chocolate candles and votive holder, chocolate bath fizz, chocolate lip gloss and white and milk chocolate covered gummie bears. do you think that is a good gift basket? i wouldn't mind getting that myself. oh, and chocolate incense, too. i wrapped everything in pink and brown and arranged it all in a basket and tied a chocolate lollipop to the handle. i includes some sparkley icicles to decorate it. i hope she likes it.

two lovely cats

this is Paris....................................................................and Midge. www.amandajchastain.blogspot.com.

10 items or less or No Shop Shaw's

i was standing behind a women in the express checkout at Shaw's supermarket today. this women was about 65, had a fur trimmed coat and make-up on. she was slack faced and dumb as a stone. i know this because i, unfortunately had to stand behind her for a good fifteen minutes while she made a mess of cashing out. first, she tried to use a Sierra Mist coupon to buy Coke. it was a Shaw's issued coupon that clearly stated (i could see it from where i was standing) that it was good for $1 OFF Sierra Mist. so, the women GRUNTS and the cashier asks if she wants to get the Sierra Mist. the dumbell women asks "what kind soda is(sic throughout)?" so, the cashier tells her it's like Sprite and the woman says, "Well, for one dollah, i try it". hmmmm, i think. so, cashier sends bagger to get the 12 pack of Sierra Mist. then the cashier rings up a super large bottle of Coffemate and the old dumbell sees it rings in at $3.19. "No. only one-ninety-nine!" cashier checks sale paper and doesn't see it. sends bagger to check the shelf. the woman behind me says, "i'm going to kill her!" and i wasn't entirely sure if she meant the oldie or the cashier. I want to kill the old woman myself. bagger comes back and says that someone dropped a sale tag on the same SHELF as the Coffemate but it's not on sale. cashier asks if the old dumbell if she wants the Coffemate. "how much?" cashier says, "$3.19". the woman says okay, she'd buy it.

now the cashier has finally rung up the order and gives the old bat a total of $11 and change. "why dat?", asks Bat. cashier tells her, adding that the Sierra Mist was $3.99. "No, one dollar. i have de coupon". "no", explains the cashier, "the coupon is for $1 OFF." "oh. i no want it den." the woman behind me says even louder than before, "I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" and now it is clear to me she wants to kill the old woman and come to think of it SO DID I! cashier has to void the soda. pages for someone to come over to do a void. pages again and, one more time. finally someone comes over. the lady behind the lady behind me groans and looks very angry. i shoot daggers at the old woman who pays no attention and just stands around, slack jawed and oblivious. cashier now tells her her order comes to $7 and change. woman pays WITH A FIFTY DOLLAR BILL...cheap fucking daughter-of-a-bitch won't buy a $3.99 cas of soda because it costs too much but she pays with a stinkin' fifty. woman behind the woman behind that woman says, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING?" so now, the 3 of us and the cashier are fucking pissed. we really, really want to see this woman drawn and quartered. i want to bash her over the head with her supersize Coffemate and ram the damn Sierra's down her throat. finally, the bitch-bat pays, takes her bag over to an empty register line and CHECKS OVER THE SLIP! the cashier had put the Coke and Mist on that register's belt to get them out of the way. dingbat, packs up her bags and TAKES THE FUCKING UNPAID FOR SIERRA MIST and puts it in her carriage and walks out. cashier sees and runs over to get her manager and tells her the woman just stole the soda. manager DOES NOTHING! i finally check out and tell the manager that i just spent an eternity waiting for that woman to check out and "you let her get away with stealing the soda." she mumbles. i say, "you should give each of us a case of soda." no response. i am seriously thinking of writing a letter to Shaw's to tell them that i don't appreciate paying higher prices for groceries because that let damn fools steal from them right under their nose and they do NOTHING. oh, i saw the damn Bat get into a car in the parking lot. it was a Lexus.

sunday

well, it's sunday and my last day off. i have:

• eaten a handful of monterey jack and pepper Doritos. too spicey for me.
• talked with my husband on the phone, twice.
• drank one bottle of IBC creme soda.
• worked a crossword online. took me 15 minutes but i chose the easier level.
• briefly browsed through some blogs on Blogwise.
• read 1/2 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. i can't believe how much of it i have forgotten.
• debated whether i should go out for a burger as i'm having cravings for one. very rare of me to crave meat. i may just pop over to Wendy's later but right now, i am too lazy to get dressed and wander out into the cold.

fascinating life i have. yesterday, before my 6pm visit, i purchased some christmas cards at Hallmark. i was surprised that i got 6 bucks off my purchase. have no idea why. i must spend, easily, a couple hundred bucks a year on cards and stationary and another couple on postage. i TRY to send a letter or two a day to Maniac Mike and he writes me everyday, too. stamps are going up to 39 cents in january and i'm just a tad pissed at that. but i really can't complain about the service. i go to the Manville PO exclusively. i have a box there, for one thing and for another, and more importantly, the staff is wondeful. they know their patron's by name and are always friendly and accurate and willing to help.

i'm going back to my reading. maybe later, i'll blog browse and look for kitties. see ya.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

excellent! just got back from watching the film. it WAS dark...darker than the book in many ways. lots of stuff never made it into the film, but as it was, it was 2 and a half hours long. this was probably my least favorite book next to the last one, which really pissed me off. but the movie is probably my favorite. my favorite book was Prisoner of Azkhaban, and i also like Order of the Phoenix a lot. i am looking forward to Order as a movie.

this is pretty embarrassing but Daniel Radcliffe is a little hunky. certainly, the bathtub scene was meant for all the swooning preteens...i was wondering how they would handle that in the film. showed a little too much skin and Moaning Mirtle was a little too lecherous. the graveyard scene was pretty awesome and those damn Deatheaters damn frightening. could Snape really be one of them still? please, please let the answer be "NO!" Krum was far too good looking...nothing like the hook nosed, heavy browed ogre in the book. i liked Cho Chang far better in the movie than the book. i hate her in the books.

i hate to think it, but i will probably read the book yet again to see what exactly was left out. then i'll read the Half Blood Prince again. i've only read that the one time. i think i have read all the other books 4 times, maybe 5 for Order as i was looking for clues.

i guess i will give the movie four out of five stars just because some things were not covered...but five stars alone for the Quidditch World Cup arena. worth every bit of the $8.50 ticket.