keys

finding lost keys are often time consuming and much to emotional for the dumbass patron who "loses" them.

patron approaches the desk and checks out. begins to pack up to leave, roots around in their purse/jacket or pocket with a slowly growing look of grave concern.

patron: i can't find my keys!

circ: well, take your time, you'll find them. (they usually do).

patron: nope. (near panic), i lost my keys! they're not here!

circ: okay. where have you been in the library?

patron: well, i looked around and checked out just now, HERE!

circ: (sigh) where did you "look around" *sees that patron has checked out videos and DVD's*

patron *points vaguely* over there!

circ (fucking sigh): okay. you have videos and DVD's. take a look in those sections and i'll be over to help in one minute.

it is a little known fact that when someone loses keys, they also lose their sense of direction.

patron wanders around, still digging in purse/jackets/pockets. glances at shelves and comes back.

circ: no luck?

patron (here comes the whine) no, i don't know where they could be!

circ (assuming patron LOOKED near the videos and DVD's): okay, did you use a catalog?

patron: what's that?

circ (of course he would say that)*points to catalogs*: it's where you search for books and other things, on a computer catalog.

patron: no, i have videos. (i don't need no stinkin' catalog)

circ: well, did you read a newspaper or sit down at a table in the back.

patron: i don't think so. *looks confused*

circ: well, don't panic...did you use a computer terminal?

patron *lighbulb pops up over his head* oh, yeah!

patron finds the keys near the computer terminal where he has been working for the past three hours!

many of these dimwitted fools have equally dimwitted children. why can't they lose them!