quote

Never believe anything until
it has been officially denied.
--Claud Cockburn--

lazy ass day

i'm drinking another IBC Cream Soda, sitting in front of this blog, wasting time. my apartment is a MESS and i should really be cleaning it up, or i could work on my "The Hunger" altered book, or i could pick out CD's for Hinoserm to put on my hard drive for the show, or i could organize my CD collection (alphabetical by artist), or i could do laundry or i could take a nap but Nooooo, i am here once again, writing for no one but me and the spammers who leave comments (buy my smelly oil fragrances, see my business supplies site) on my blog. i could also go to the bookstore or the craft store, but that means i'll spend money that i don't have. i could repaint my nails and get them all pretty for our visit tonight, or i could watch a horror movie or i could take a tranquilizer and veg out.

well, i got a call from Correctional Billing which handles calls from prisons. they want some more money so i'm on the phone, waiting to speak with a rep to tell them i paid on my bill. aaargh! my limit is $130 and when it gets close, they call me to ask for money. a royal pain in the ass. just one more way to suck the life out of the families of inmates. we do the time with them. we do the time.

reading

i'm curently reading two books:
nonfiction
Pyramid Quest: Secrets of the Great Pyramid and the Dawn of Civilization by Robert M Schoch, PhD. Robert Schoch is the geologist who hypothesised that the Sphinx was eroded by water and not sand, thus it must have been built during Eqypt's rainy season some 10,000 years ago making it far older than the age egyptologists claim. this book is all about the Great Pyramid, all the theories of what it "really" is and why it was built and who built it. some of this, i have read before. i like Dr Shoch and i tend to believe the Giza complex is far, far older than eqyptologists expound on.

fiction
The Lunatic Cafe by Laurell K Hamilton. she is one of my husabnds favorite authors. he has read all her books and i am now slowly reading through all her Anita Blake vampire hunter/animator series. this is the 4th book. in this book, we meet Wereswans. ooooohhhh, i'm scared!

good mornin'

well, another pleasant valley sunday is here. no work! sleep late! tastes great! less filling! i had some weird dreams last night that included drinking a bottle of soda with ants in it, skateboarding without a skateboard, a bizarre, second rate superhero and a deadline. it was all mixed up and nothing made sense. it did leave me felling stressed and i have a migraine this morning from it. i also couldn't seem to get comfortable all night.

my husband called me this morning at 8 am and he sounded okay, from what i can remember of the conversation. we have a visit tonight at 6pm. it's been a whole week since my last visit and we are both feeling pretty lost. i have the day off work tomorrow, but there is no visit and that sucks big time. having the day off is good though. yep, i like that. hey! i get to sit around and type in this blog all day! wooo hooo!

quote

You're not supposed to be so blind
with patriotism that you can't
face reality. Wrong is wrong no
matter who does it or who says it.
--Malcolm X--

the Wiccan Rede

the Wiccan Rede

Bide the Wiccan Laws ye must

in perfect love and perfect trust

eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill,

an ye harm none, do what ye will.

Lest in thy self-defense it be,

ever mind the rule of three.

Follow this in mind and heart,

and Merry Meet and Merry Part!

warning

fair warning....once i take my nighttime meds, i get loopy. i don't make a whole lot of sense and my typing and proofreading abilities plummet to new lows. it's the Seroquel that does it. strong stuff. i could not live without it, Tom Cruise be damned. i have posttraumatic stress syndrome and Seroquel has been a wonder drug for me. i would jump at every noise, i was plagued by nightmares, i shook uncontrollably, i would leave my body and do weird things in my sleep. it was hell. oh, and the aliens. must'nt forget them. they would come and go and i would have memories of them from childhood, and nightmares called sleep paralysis where the aliens would be in my room and i couldn't move or speak. this is extremely frightening. the Seroquel helps with all this. the only thing i can't say for sure is that the aliens are only a symptom. i cannot make up my mind whether they exist only in my mind or if they are truly present in form. i need to keep it this way and by doing so, i can hold on to my sanity. a good book to read, THE book to read on alien encounters would be Communion by Whitley Strieber. i highly recommend that you read it during daylight hours! for a pretty complete overview of the alien world would be the book Alien Agenda by Jim Marrs. also read the Communion Letters by Whitley. he accumulated letters and experiences of ordinary folk who had experiences with aliens. it's fascinating. i believe you can find that book and more on his website www.unknowncountry.com. also, listen to his Dreamland shows. they are wonderful!

medicate me!

well, now is the time to (drumroll please) take my medication. ahhhhh. yes. tonight and every night i take several meds...and then several more meds in the morning. the night meds include Cymbalta: an antidepresant i take to combat pain and fatigue from Fybromialgia. Seroquel: an anti-psychotic to battle the aliens and help me sleep. Gabitril: this also helps with pain and sleep. Benydril: to combat side effects from the Seroquel that also helps with sleep. oh, and sometimes i throw in an Ativan if i feel shakey but since i have already taken 2 tonight, i won't take another.

now, in the morning i take, Ultram: a pain med and Mobic: a pain med and an Ativan. i may also take Reglan if i am nauseaus, Midrin if i have a migraine, Tylenol if i have a fever, Prevacid for reflux disease and or Lidoderm patches placed on painful body parts to ease pain.

this medicine is covered under me medical plan at work (through my Union). i would be spending close to $900 a month for meds without the plan. with it, i spend $95. i am damn lucky to have medical coverage. this is what i work for. the pay sucks for the work i do, but the medical benefits are good. my premium is $40 a week which doesn't include the premium for medication and dental, but it is nominal and i am HAPPY to pay it.

maximum rocknroll

earlier, my husband called while i was feeling particularly anxious and listening to www.maximumrocknroll.com radio. this weeks playlist was good but i was listening to last weeks program which stunk to high heaven. it was industrial something, or whale music or Enya on acid but not anything i would call punk. not that punk can be easily defined and it may mean different thinks to different people. when i think of punk, i think Ramones or Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks, the Damned, Cockney Rejects and newer bands like All Or Nothing HC or the Soviettes.

my husband subscribes to MRR and orders me bands once a month. i usually get 4 or 5 new CD's a month and he has really picked some fine ones. he knows i especially like female fronted bands, so he sent me an excellent CD called Put Some Pussy in Your Punk Vol 2, put out by www.ontherag.net. the cd has 31 female bands playing some great tunes. you can still buy volume 2 on their website, but Volume 1 is sold out. check it out.

when's the next pay day?

okay, pay days are good days and bad days. good because i have money. bad because i spend money. spending money on things i don't really need is an addiction. it feeds some need. like cutting without the pretty scars. but spending is so much worse than cutting. i can cut and still pay the rent. if i spend: no heat, no phone, no food, no gas and potentially, no home.

thursday is pay day. this past thursday, i went straight to the bank to make the deposit, like a good girl. then, i went to Sally Beauty Supply to feed my nail polish fix. it's October and i needed black polish. i found it...Orly brand called liquid vinyl. it's black as death, black as the ace of spades, black as a starless night. get it? it's black. then i also bought one called orange punch. i bought orange stick cuticle pushers, a nail massage oil called Proclaim which has done wonders for ridding hangnails in just 3 days, a product called FAST that fast dries polish and is a hard topcoat, Amplifusion shampoo and volumizing gel. the shampoo is great but the gel isn't and i'm returning it. so, i spent $32 and all i really needed was black nail polish. we won't even begin to discuss what i spend at Hallmark card stores.

no proofreading for pagans

okay. so far, so good. i have a habit of NOT proofreading, so the goofs will show. i am lazy. too lazy to proofread. the story of my life. too lazy to eat. too lazy to go to church. too lazy for the mornings . the only things i do work hard on is my job, and flushing the toilet. i would say i work hard on my marriage but marriage has been nothing but pleasure and far from hard work. my husband and i work together on everything and we value each others opinions even if we don't always agree. we were lucky. we married for love alone. we got to be good friends first. we might have had to marry in prison but that was just a small sacrifice. when he is released in 2008, we will have a Handfasting ceremony, hopefully on Halloween. i'm a Catholic and my husband is a Pagan and we get along wonderfully. i am intrigued by his religion and amazed how much it has changed him. he is much calmer and happier. he refers to his religious work as "witchery" which is a cool word. he follows the Wiccan Rede. he's expanding his mind and heart. i like that.

one more time

this is my second attempt at a BLOG. i hacve not done well in the past. this will either be decent or a total fuck up. can i be flagged for saying "fuck-up"? i don't know how "freedom of speech" works on these blogs. i haven't read many yet but so far no one else has used the F word. i LOVE the F word. i say it a few dozen times a day. there is no other word like it...nothing that has so much force behind it. i use the F word most at work (under my breath) and while driving (sometimes partnered with the finger). the other words i use while driving are jerk, asswipe, moron and dingleberry. my license plate begins with FY, which i LOVE to think means F you! how did i get so lucky? and did the inmate who made my plate get a chuckle out of it and wonder if the new owner would be pleased with it? Yep, i am. very pleased!