long day

hey. it's been a long day. work was okay but it was a nine-to-fiver. then, i had a visit for 6pm. i left the prison at 8:30 and took 25 minutes to get home, which was pretty good. i stopped at Hollywood Video and rented the original Amityville Horror (i am also rereading the book) with James Brolin. back then, he was a hottie. now he's Streisands do-boy. still, not so bad to look at. i'm going to snuggle up in bed with my full body pillow, goosedown featherbed and stuffed prairie dog toy and polar bear. the polar bear belonged to my husband. he used to sleep with it... well into his 30's. that is one way i knew we were a good match because i always have and always will sleep with stuffed toys. plus, a hard living, ex-junkie, motorcycle riding, tattooed punk rocker who sleeps with teddy bears is pretty darn cool in my book. anyway, i'm going to snuggle up in bed, eat cotton candy, and rewatch the original AH. alone. in the dark. but first, i will break out the Rosary and take a tranquilizer. yep, i plan on being scared.

moleskin

i bought a new moleskin last night. i wonder why they call these notebooks Moleskins? were they once made of mole skin or was that the name of the manufacturer. i hope to God no little moles died to bring me yet more paper to write on. i wouldn't like that. i bought a lined notebook and once i got to the car, i realized i should've gotten the squared notebook but i had already unwrapped the one i bought so...

it's another weird morning. i feel strange. shakey and not quite in my body. like part of me is peeking out. it has been a terrible week. i still have a fever and i still feel shitty. the lymph nodes in my throat area are sore and swollen. i'm so happy to have this day off. no work and no visit. i would like to get to the post office and the bank, but i think i'll leave that til tomorrow and just chill today. i need to be chilled.

a new Dreamland this week...Guardians of the Holy Grail!

i don't feel like it

i don't feel like writing this "morning". can't remember my dreams, don't have nothing to say. must be sick. brain must be working offline. need caffeine.

i'm having a cup of Irish Breakfast tea direct from Dublin via Stop and Shop. i'm having it with raw turbinado sugar and a dollop of half and half. my husband already called me once this morning around 8am. i remember a bit of the conversation which is good, since i usually remember nothing or even less. he'll call me again in about a half hour. he spends about $350 on phone calls a month. this is far better than the $500 or $600 he paid when he was in Florida. if i were to start a business, it would be correctional calling because i would be rolling in other people's dough. it is a HUGE business. you know who else makes money off the prison system? Bob Barker. yep. The Price is Right guy. he sells mini shampoo bottles and soap to the prison industrial complex to sell to inmates. i never liked Barker even though he does good for cats and dogs. i just thought there was something creepy about him. and how could anyone stay with one project for so long? wouldn't you want to move on, or retire or SOMETHING. how many boob flapping, white trash talking women does he need to fondle (ok, i've never seen him fondle a CONTESTANT) before he has enough? i would of made my money and been out of there toot-sweet.

all those game show hosts are creepy. Alex Trebec? does he still live with mommy? and the guy that now hosts Hollywood Squares (now there's a lame bit of unentertainment)....whats his name? Tom Bergeron? i used to watch him in the 80's when he was hosting People Are Talking out of Boston. i like him then. then he started to pop up everywhere, and he's not aging well and voila, game show freak. going from a decent talk show to Americas Funniest Videos to a game show is going the wrong way in life.

when's the next pay day?

okay, pay days are good days and bad days. good because i have money. bad because i spend money. spending money on things i don't really need is an addiction. it feeds some need. like cutting without the pretty scars. but spending is so much worse than cutting. i can cut and still pay the rent. if i spend: no heat, no phone, no food, no gas and potentially, no home.

thursday is pay day. this past thursday, i went straight to the bank to make the deposit, like a good girl. then, i went to Sally Beauty Supply to feed my nail polish fix. it's October and i needed black polish. i found it...Orly brand called liquid vinyl. it's black as death, black as the ace of spades, black as a starless night. get it? it's black. then i also bought one called orange punch. i bought orange stick cuticle pushers, a nail massage oil called Proclaim which has done wonders for ridding hangnails in just 3 days, a product called FAST that fast dries polish and is a hard topcoat, Amplifusion shampoo and volumizing gel. the shampoo is great but the gel isn't and i'm returning it. so, i spent $32 and all i really needed was black nail polish. we won't even begin to discuss what i spend at Hallmark card stores.