not much

haven't felt much like blogging. today, a woman called the library in a near state of panic because we had *gasp* sent her 3 overdue notices and they really fightened her and she didn't know why we had to send them in the first place. turns out, the items had not been checked in at North Providence, where she returned them. she called them and they found them on the shelf and checked them in. for whatever godforsaken reason NPR told her to call us about the notices. why? because we did the courtesy *COURTESY* of mailing out reminders! so, i had to calm this nut down and explain that we only sent notices as reminders, not to threaten patrons. besides, your books are back and all is square, RIGHT? oh, yeah, i also threw in "don't worry, this won't appear on your credit rating" just because i COULD! heh heh heh

you would not believe the calls and e-mails we get from patrons out of state and out of the country! we have a very generic name...let's call it The Washington Library. how many Washingtons are there in this country? yes, thousands. we have gotten calls from Scotland looking for the library in Washington in the UK. we have gotten calls from Maine, Massachusetts, Nebraska and Oklahoma all looking for the Washington Library. many people ask for directions and after a freakin' half our, we realize they aren't even in the same state! people, just because our website is the first to pop up on a web search, don't assume it's your local library. after all, on every page...EVERY PAGE, we list our town as Washington, RHODE ISLAND!

reference once got an e-mail apology...sent to Washington, Road Island from another reference librarian!

on a lighter note, Maniac Mike is convinced that there are far more mean people in the US than nice people. one would be...oh, let me see, maybe ME!

also received lovely pics of a hedgehog from Hinoserm's friend Blobbus. what a cutey that pincushion is!

Hinoserm

Hinoserm called his mom and aunt to let us know that he will be staying in California a little longer. he is due back February 15. i hope he sends his itinerary. i also hope he'll send pictures of a hedgehog! when he does, i'll post them here. there is a rumor that he may be going to San Francisco, but i doubt he'll be wearing flowers in his hair. later!

someone stole my car! was it you?

i had awful, bizarre dreams last night. a terrible nights sleep. i dreamed that i was at work, but the library was now in an abandoned bowling alley. (at one time, town talk was that an abandoned bowling alley would be used for the library! that quickly got the ax). this alley was not refurbished or anything. we kind of just stuck the existing library into the bowling alley. the circdesk still held bowling shoes and mini pencils and bowling score cards. our computers and keyboards would not fit well 0n the bowling checkin desk, so we had to paste the keyboards to the wall and type from there. i was having a hell of a time trying to look up some patron info when someone ran in and told me my car was being stolen!

i saw someone driving away in my car, which clipped another green car in the rear end. i was frantic. so frantic that i jumped on my SLED and took off after the punk who took my car. i could only sled so far, though because there was little snow. i got off my sled and onto my one SKI, laying on it on my belly. that worked well until i got to a wood and rope bridge that crossed a raging river (in Lonsdale). i had to change to a bicycle. some really tiny gnome of a man fell in the water and nearly drowned (probably because i pushed him out of the way), so i had to stop and save him. i got him up off the bridge and onto a lemonade stand where he was safe.

i began begging people to let me use their cars to try to find my car. finally, i found someone (someone awful from my childhood) to lend me one of his beat up cars. that's when the dream ended.

i still haven't looked out my window to see if my car is there and in one piece.

january 28th 1986

i remember waking up too late to see the launch. i was pretty upset about that. like most of the country, i had been stoked to see this launch. the first space shuttle launch with a civilian onboard! one of us. a teacher.

Hino was just 20 days old. he was a fussy baby. he didn't sleep long and hated to sleep alone in his crib. but this day, he slept with me a little longer.

after i got Hino ready for the day, i went downstairs and turned on the tv. the first thing i heard was "there has been a malfunction". great, i thought. another toilet has blown up. see, back then, no one could even conceive of a MAJOR malfunction. we certainly could not conceive of a space shuttle crew dying or the shuttle blown to bits. it just wasn't possible.

then i watched the footage of the Challenger blasting off and rolling up into the sky. then i heard "go with throttle up" and DAMN, my heart exploded! i could not even get my head around what was happening. i nearly dropped Hino. i couldn't sit or walk or move. i just stood there crying my heart out.

i couldn't tell you what i was doing when Lennon was shot, or reagan was shot or the Pope was shot. i vaguely remember where i was when Elvis died. but i do rememeber all the details on the day Challenger exploded. i remember it like it was yesterday. i remember it more clearly than the the Colombia explosion or the comets that hit Jupiter. it is still fresh. and i still grieve for all the children that so anxiously watched their mom's and dad's die a horrible death. in my mind, what made it so much worse was, they didn't even get to see the earth from space. they never made it up there. and you can think what you want of Reagan, but that man grieved. he made the most touching speech i have ever heard...and i do believe they have touched the face of God.

73 seconds...just 73 seconds.

feeling icky

i haven't been feeling well these past two days. i was home from work yesterday...the day of the Oprah apology, i think. wow. i will have more to say on this when i am feeling better.

lazy dad? no phones and cake

tonight, as i was shelving DVD's i heard a father and son talking behind me, literally two steps away. the kid said something to the dad and the dad said, "go ask her." so, the kid approaches me and i figure he wants to know if a certain film is in. oh noooo. he asks me to get Star Wars off the top shelf! with the fucking father standing right there. this guy was not a MIDGET...why couldn't he have gotten the video for his kid himself?

then a woman told me i was rude for telling her she had to take her cell phone call out to the foyer. i HATE people who use cell phones in the library in spite of the BIG YELLOW sign with a picture of a cell phone on it that reads "Please do not use cell phones in the library!" that is posted on the front door...the door everyone is required to enter.

on a much better note...Hinoserm called me at the library to wish me a Happy Birthday and my sister brought me pink roses from our dearly missed "puppy" Queequeg. Quee loved pink tissue paper. pink was his favorite color. he was such a sissy boy! i miss him very much.

they had a cake for me at the library. it made me feel awkward. but as long as everyone gets to eat it, that's cool. we all love cake.

see the cat call his mother

Hinoserm,

see the cat. the cat is using the phone. the cat is calling his mother. nice cat!

love,

your mother

PS...does anyone else love Get Fuzzy?

Edit: Hino called last night. so far, everything is fine.

to Hinoserm

Dear Hinoserm,

Call Home. please call your mommy or your auntie. we worry! hope you are having fun!

love,
mom

Seymour

remember the Old Chester that gets visits from his twin granddaughters? well, i have some news. friday night, after MM and i were through with our visit, MM went back to the holding area with all the other inmates that had a visit. an inmate spoke to the Old Chester, "Hey, Seymour, how are you doing?" Seymour responds, "Not too well. I went before the parole board yesterday and they gave me 10 more years!"

YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY! so, by the time this Chester gets out, if he gets out, his granddaughters will be adults! so, he won't be molesting them. excellent.

we had to sit next to the Old Chester and his wife The White Boot Lady, during our visit saturday. we call his wife White Boot Lady becasue she has a godawful pair of white boots that she wears for every visit. they are scuffed, worn and damn ugly. she will wear her pants tucked into the boots. she wears them no matter what color her wardrobe is...black pants, pink top and the pants tucked into the dilapidated white boots. if they are supposed to have money, why doesn't she buy a new pair of boots?

we also sat next to Crazy Roseanne (Barr look-a-like) and her filthy, short, wacked boyfriend. Crazy Roseanne Barr wears the most outrageous outfits, many of them with see-through skirts. she has been denied visits a few times because her clothes were see-through or her pants were skin tight. picture Rosanne Bar in super tight biking shorts. yesterday, the outfit was color coordinated: black, long-sleeved top with fancy gold trim at the neck and a weird gypsy-like, see-through black skirt that looked like black handkerchiefs sewn together poorly. she had on black, fuzzy house slippers with white socks. i can't tell you how many people come for a visit in house slippers! one lady, in her thirties, had winnie the pooh slippers on! occasionally, we will get a library patron wearing slippers, but they are usually teenagers. people, are you too lazy to put on SHOES before you leave the house? slippers, in winter, with snow and salt and dirt on the ground, are gross. buy some shoes!

also, two sisters, Tamanda and Tomonda came for a visit yesterday with a cute little girl in tow. i can only guess that her name was Timinda! why do parents do these things to their kids!

they are not christians!

wacko nutcase freaking out:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5464505634137914176

another scintillating new blog

this is my fist post. (sic)

this might be the last.

nothing to say.

nothing to do, at work.

a waiting game.

(complete with pic of hard hat, wrench and digger)

visit was Kissable

Maniac Mike and i had a nice little visit. the vending machines worked (all but the Pepsi machine...it would be too much to ask to have all the machines working). there were lots of new products in the machines, but MM had a dinner of fried clams so he was pretty full. they get fried clams once in a while. it is the best dinner that the chow hall serves. it also comes with onion rings. most of the meals are pretty awful, though breakfast is usually okay.

anyway, i saw that they had these new Hershey's Kissables, so i bought a pack. i saw them in an ad somewhere and MM saw them on tv. they look like little Parchesi or Sorry game pieces. i thought they looked vaguely obscene. i did not like them as much as i like M&M's.

the Blind Chester had a visit today. nothing is as bewilderingly disgusting as a blind man that molests kids. tell me that that is not freaky. this idiot is about the size of a middle schooler, has a distorted face and messed up eyes like they were improperly placed in each eye socket. one is sunken in, one pops out. he is not allowed to wear dark glasses but he is allowed his blind man's can. the perv that rooms with him 'takes care of him' probably for whatever he can get from the Blind Chester. i can't figure out how a blind man finds kids to molest. HOW?

there is a very large woman that visits an inmate from time to time. she always wears the same clothes: a pink t-shirt and brown pants. this woman is over 6 feet tall and must weigh in at 400. she is far bigger than Mr Big Ass, but she doesn't stink and she's in her late 20's. today, she sat behind us and through most of the visit she spoke VERY loudly so we could easily hear her 'conversation'. really, she did all the talking. she was telling the inmate the story of Little Red Riding Hood! no shit! the wolf, the woodsman, grandma and little red walkin through the forest. WHY?

kind of a slow night. no one to really make fun of. oh well, there is always tomorrow!

currently reading

just started reading this wonderful little book, Go To Hell: A Heated History of the Underworld by Chuck Crisafulli and Kyra Thompson.

"It would seem that we humans want desperately to end up in heaven. But, in the meantime, we can't get enough of hell."

everything you ever wanted to know about Hell and that horned guy with the pitchfork who lives there. of course, the book does not tell you whether or not you will go there someday...but if you're a blogger, you probably will. there are only two sports in hell: blogging and bowling. if you think the rental shoes are gross here, try wearing a pair after a sulpurous demon has had is blistery and warty toes in them. blech.

Timmy

Maniac Mike has been watching South Park every weeknight at 11pm for a couple of months now. maybe 3. he keeps a log of every episode and how many times that episode aired. i'm not sure WHY. i don't ask WHY. a good wife know when not to ask WHY. each day, he tells me of the previous nights episode. i have already seen the vast majority of them and generally, the ones he thinks are funny are also the ones i find funny.

his favorite character is Timmy. TIMMY! TIMMY!

we both think Satan is hilarious. and that God is a Buddhist and only Mormons are in heaven. perfect!

i think my favorite character is Cartman. he's such a little bastard!

what's your favorite South Park character?

Hinoserm, call your mother!

apparently, Hinoserm has been too busy to call his mother. i will be home this weekend. i will be home ALL DAY sunday.

let me tell you about the time Hino found my purple lipstick. he was around 4 years old. i was asleep one morning when Hino got up, told me he was up and went downstairs. a few minutes later, he comes back into the bedroom and stands by the bed. i look at him and OHMIGOD he's got blood all over his face! i looked closer and saw that it wasn't blood, it was something purple smeared all over his mouth. i couldn't wrap my mind around this, it was too weird. as i was walking down the stairs, i see that part of the wall has purple something on it. Hino confessed that he had found my purple lipstick. sheesh.

then their was the time he cut all the hands and feet off my koala stuffed animal (from Australia). Hino had a thing for koalas. he wanted to go to Australia, put them all in a sack and bring them home (to mangle them, i guess???). i have no idea where he got the koala fixation.

then there was the time he got the end of the gerbil's tail caught in the gerbil's little plastic house and ripped the tip off. again, i was in bed ( i know, i know! but he usually was very, very good!) and Hino comes upstairs, stands by the bed and asks if i have any bandaids. immediately, sirens go off in my head and i jump up and ask him where he is hurt. "no, no," he says, he isn't hurt. well, what did he need bandaids for? Squeaky! OHMIGOD! i have visions of a squished and bloody gerbil racing through my mind. i run downstairs and look in Squeaky's house and see his hurt little tail. so, we rush him to the vet, where he is sedated and operated on (having the tip of his tail removed, the poor thing). cost me $80.00...$25 alone for the anesthesia. the whole time i can't help wondering just what Hino was going to do with those bandaids. like i wouldn't notice if the gerbil had a bandaid on his tail?

thank you

thanks to the children's librarian who almost got into an accident rushing to work because she stopped at the market to buy me a balloon and a potted purple Cyclamen for my birthday. she was convinced yesterday was my birthday, but infact, i will not turn FORTY until the 24th. she has made me old before my time...egads!

still, i thank youvery much!

the director returns

the director has returned. i am pleased to report that she was not wearing black. she was wearing green and brown. she did not get 'the memo'*. only two other library staff did not wear black: the tech services cataloger, who was absent yesterday and a circworker who claimed she does not own anything black (spoiled sport!). the rest of us looked like a pack of (hungry) black bears! the rumor is that we will all dress in one color on one particular day and not tell the director. this may or may not mess with her mind.

gosh, we are soooooo juvenile!

*the memo...if a number of us are wearing the same color clothing on a particular day, we announce that we got 'the memo'. this happens unusually often. alarmingly often. we are becoming a Hive Mind!

NC-17!

WARNING! this site is not appropriate for anyone under 18!!!

True Porn Clerk Stories (found on another library bloggers page! yes, we rock!)

www.improvisation.ws/mb/tpcs1.php

Golden Palace

read all about William Shatner's $25,000 kidney stone and much more on this site:
www.goldenpalaceevents.com/auctions/?e=grilledmary01

wearing black

no big news. a mother-who-can't-be-bothered-to-mother came in at 20 til closing and let her 4 year old brat pull book after books off the children's room shelves. about 40 books in total. then, when she checked out, she dawdled around the circ desk cooing to the little brat, after totally ignoring him and leaving him entirely alone in the children's room. she kept looking up at us, hoping, i guess, that we would make some kind remark about how cute her kid is. fat chance!

the staff is wearing black tomorrow because the director is returning from her week and a half vacation. why couldn't she take thursday and friday off, too? the place runs so much better without her. circ doesn't really get bothered by her too much but the computer librarian, secretary and reference staff get the brunt of it. i guess she has to check in on the library because, in her wild fantasies, the library would go to hell without her. right. i wonder when her next vacation will be?

the one male circworker drives me bonkers. if the guy tells us he's "poor" one more time, i am going to flip out. we are all poor. we don't all whine about it. deal. and why does he have to call his girlfriend 4 or 5 times a night? he works nights, 4pm to 8pm. dude, you can't go four hours without checking up on her? and if you're so poor, why do you go out to eat, at restaurants i could not afford, 4 or 5 times a week? and for once, would you offer to put something away...DVD's, videos...anything. grrrrrrrr.